After more than four decades as a physical therapist, I have come to believe that pain is one of life’s greatest teachers.
That may sound like a strange statement coming from someone who has spent his professional life helping people reduce pain and improve function. After all, if pain is such a great teacher, why would anyone want to get rid of it?
The answer is simple. Pain is not something we seek, but it is something we all experience. Whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, pain eventually finds each of us. The details may differ, but no one escapes it entirely.
Pain comes in many forms
Over the years, I have worked with tens of thousands of individuals. Some came to me with back pain, neck pain, arthritis, sports injuries, or surgical recoveries. Others arrived carrying burdens that had little to do with their bodies. The pain of grief. The pain of disappointment. The pain of broken relationships. The pain of fear.
What I began to notice was that while the source of the pain differed, the process of moving through it was remarkably similar.
The particulars of your pain are unique to you. The experience is deeply personal. Yet the path through pain is surprisingly universal.
Pain is information, not the whole story
One of the greatest misconceptions about pain is that it always tells us exactly what is wrong. In reality, pain is often a poor warning system. The intensity of pain is not always correlated with the severity of a problem.
A paper cut can hurt more than a serious injury. A muscle spasm can feel terrifying while posing little long-term threat. Meanwhile, significant disease processes can sometimes progress with surprisingly little discomfort.
Pain is information. Valuable information. But it is only one piece of information.
The questions pain invites us to ask
As a physical therapist, I learned to ask questions.
- What structures are involved?
- How long has this been present?
- What makes it better?
- What makes it worse?
- What function has been lost?
I eventually realized these same questions apply to life itself. When emotional pain shows up, it is worth asking: What happened? What am I feeling? What am I afraid of? What has been lost? What can still be done? Pain often becomes a doorway to greater understanding.
When pain became personal
My own life has certainly provided opportunities to learn these lessons. I have experienced injuries, setbacks, failures, uncertainty, and loss. One of the most profound experiences occurred when I received a phone call on December 23, 2018. My twin brother James had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
Six weeks later, he was gone. Nothing in my education prepared me for that moment. Nothing in my professional training could eliminate that pain. Yet even in that season, pain became a teacher. It taught me about what mattered. It taught me about family. It taught me about faith. It taught me that healing and pain are not always opposites. Many people assume healing means the complete absence of pain. I no longer believe that is true.
The difference between pain and suffering
I have seen individuals continue to live meaningful, productive, joyful lives while carrying significant pain. I have also seen individuals whose pain was relatively minor become consumed by suffering. Pain and suffering are related, but they are not identical. Pain is often unavoidable. Suffering is often shaped by how we respond to pain.
Three principles for moving forward
That observation eventually led me to a simple framework that has guided much of my personal and professional life:
Know Yourself.
Control Yourself.
Give of Yourself.
These principles sound simple, but they are anything but easy. Knowing yourself requires honesty. Controlling yourself requires discipline. Giving of yourself requires sacrifice. Yet time and time again, I have seen these principles help people move forward regardless of the kind of pain they were facing.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is progress. The goal is not to eliminate every difficulty. The goal is to develop the ability to respond wisely when difficulty inevitably arrives.
Pain has taught me that life is less about avoiding hardship and more about learning how to navigate it. It has taught me that strength is often built in seasons we would never voluntarily choose. It has taught me that growth frequently follows discomfort. Most importantly, it has taught me that there is often hope hidden within the very experiences we wish had never happened.
Looking ahead
In the articles that follow, I want to share the lessons pain has taught me about knowing yourself, controlling yourself, and giving of yourself. My hope is that these ideas will help you spend less time in the shadow of pain and create more room in your life for healing, purpose, and joy.
